12
Not the one
[memories]
04.10.08
01
Let is sleep
My heart is heavy laden
How long must I breathe
My soul is abandoned
let it sleep let it sleep
How wretched is my soul?
every wound is burdened
How frail have I become?
every moment is everlasting
let it sleep let it sleep
A knights tale.
20
02
She says
Come seat your sanity, come seat your sanity next to me for the delights of
our lives are departing. Let us sing of our misfortunes and let us unveil our
lies. Let us confess our wicked desires and let us speak our hearts. Let us
lament our regrets & let us disregard our fights.
Come seat your sanity next to me and look
no further my soul look no further.
02
Questioning my blues
Her:
Her: If its not love, then
Him:
Her:
Him:
Her: If its not love, then why
do you fill the emptiness in me?
Him: If I don't believe in love,
what's wrong with me?
Her: If its not love, explain
this to me...
02
No love & no pain
& he says...
"I believe I can see the future cause I repeat the same routine I think I used
to have a purpose but then again that might have been a dream? I think I used
to have a voice. Now I never make a sound I just do what I've been told I
really don't want them to come around
I can feel their eyes are watching, In case I lose myself again, sometimes I
think I'm happy here, sometimes yet I still pretend. I can't remember how this
got started but I can tell you exactly how it will end
I'm writing on a little piece of paper I'm hoping someday you might
find. Well I'll hide it behind something they won't look behind I'm still
inside here a little bit comes bleeding through I wish this could have been
any other way but I just don't know, I don't know what else I can do
06
01
Memoirs
Dear Wound,
At 21 years of age I'm a stage where am trying to figure out the politics of
life and the mysteries of human behavior. People's "rehearsed" attitudes amuse
me, not to mention their customized conversations. I don't know what's real
anymore. As days go by I start to discover lies, lies and more lies by people
who I once called friends. As days go by I realize that no one reveals their
emotions anymore. Have people become robots or has past damages turn their
hearts into stone? I have made acquaintances in the past that did me no good,
yet only brought pain into my life, so I decided to walk away with no regrets.
P.S. As much as poets love the pain, I chose to heal you.
I hold 20 years of memories..
11
Goodbye
I wish there was a simple way
of saying goodbye
but I chose to play you our song
trying not to cry
you stood their speechless
& gave me that eye
You watched me play our song
& knew it was goodbye
I never knew darkness
until I saw you cry
I never knew loneliness
thought it was a lie
I know you don't want to leave me
So why insist, oh why?
I know you don't want goodbye
darling I seek your forgiveness
darling please don't say it
don't say goodbye
Just stay with me
It will always be you & I
until I saw him cry
I never knew loneliness
until he said goodbye
23
01
Lonesome
Him:
I wanted you to know
That I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph
And I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
Her:
The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn
And no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
cause I'm broken when I'm
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You're gone away
You don't feel me here....anymore
words by amy lee & seether
17
06
Black & White
Staying awake... thinking of all the little peaces
I drown into a black & white world
I am thinking of a million reasons....
trying to figure out the untold.
*pic by caperuccita
[memories]
15
02
Dramatic pictures that caught my eye.
The master behind this art, Karl Lagerfeld.
10
06
My lost soul still unfound
Am thinking of all the things you've said
nothing safe nor sound
Its like winter all year round
only to see you've left me behind
[memories]
11
Breathe no more
I look at you like there's no tomorrow
I love you like you're the only man standing
I spend time with you pretending I suffer no sorrow
I give you everything you're wanting
So how better is she?
.....I bleed and I bleed and I bleed and I breathe no more."
My favorite game
Reading me silently
a silent conversation
that still goes on
Oh when you fail to read me
I enjoy your suffering
so watch me
walk away
with that smile
on my face
I disappear
& you suffer again
so watch me
walk away
while you keep losing
with my every foot step
so watch me
a silent conversation that still goes on.
09
Confessions
Her thoughts:
You revealed your mask when it was too late, showed me your
cards and watched me win, but if you only knew, it is I who lost.
Lost you.
His thoughts:
I played my game thinking "I always win"
I mapped out every step to your heart
thought that I was smart,
but I lost.
lost you.
I'd hate to love you & would love to hate you.
25
Absent minded
I am trapped in this little girl's body.
A girl who stands at the corner of this world and watches them pass by.
her mind occupied with a million thoughts, thoughts that make her blind, so blind
that she stands still for hours watching people who at the back of her head seem
like ghosts. She doesn’t really follow their conversations anymore they all seem
to be in a different language.
How come? Hours go by so slow yet nights so
fast? Yesterday it was February and tomorrow its July?
She is in a phase where life is a puzzle to her, a puzzle which she doesn't
have all the peaces to, and struggles so hard in finding them and then in connecting them.
She has
become this absent minded person who doesn’t realize what she’s doing, where
she’s going and why? She’d spend days
lying on bed thinking of all the little peaces of her life. These peaces
break into smaller and smaller thoughts that swim endlessly in her head.
She’d walk for miles and miles without realizing where she's headed.
This
phase she's going through has done her nothing but trouble. She has hurted people, so
many loved ones and without even noticing it. She lost control of her
actions, thoughts and decisions, its as if I she's paralyzed and I her soul
can do nothing but stand still & watch her hurt herself.
wake up musk.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPDejmyqB_E&feature=related
13.06.08
03:13PM
Broken
Mysteries of the veiled ..
confusions remain vague
My beloved departed to a black & white memory ..
leaving me nothing but pain
My heart laments my soul
sadness conquers me
this pain is killing me softly ..
He died…
He died last night
Died and inherited me the pain of a broken soul
He died last night
leaving me a thousand tears to cry
He died last night and today he lives
only in a memory of a broken soul
In loving memory of my dear professor, father and friend who passed away a
few hours ago having lived 70 years of age.
I am sorry
05
03:00PM
Mind games
Kill me with a word and
revive me with another
Oh you merciless beloved!
thinking that I am blinded by your lies?
thinking I am still living
that fake fairy tale?
thinking ill be affected by your dramatic cries
Open me a window and close the
other
Oh you merciless beloved!
cant you see that I enjoy your games
cant you realize that I keep wining
cant you feel the pleasure of torture?
I loved the rules to your games cause I made them
the day I died.
and I still love you.
27.05.08
03:07PM
Bad poetry
Every word written about you is simply bad poetry, as tough as this might
sound but even to yourself you're nobody.
words by sultanah
05:50PM
Silent poet
Writings on a mirror.. a
broken vow and years of silence. Ever has it been realized that my life is an
un-finished poem. Ever has it been realized that my eyes whisper to you what
my lips fail to utter. Ever has it been realized that these pictures are
moments that reflect the silent poet in me?
I revealed shadows of my buried poems a few years ago, but soon they would
evaporate into oblivion.
05:50PM
Love
My vision..
fades away every time I hear you
I can't see you..
but I know you're there
Frozen moment...
everything & everyone moved except me
12:49AM
The day I died
An ordinary day.. on my way to a friend’s house.. I pull out my ipod and listen to nickelback (far away) ..as am singing “I wanted you to stay cause I needed, I needed to hear you say..”. I hear my phone ring and answer, its my friend “hello ..what taking you so long? It’s the traffic! Or maybe this song I am listening to?” I asked the driver to step on it but as usual he doesn’t hear me well. He turns his head and looks at me “Pardon?” he says.
The world was never the same again.
As I move my lips just to repeat the first few words I feel something strong pushing me forward. I see the car in front of us come towards the window so fast. My mobile drops & I loose control. I feel the world freeze. Felt like watching a movie in slow motion. Only that it wasn’t. It was as if I saw death right in front of my eyes and I invited it in. I heard endless screams, broken glass and sudden silence….
I opened my eyes once, I am lying on the street surrounded by blood. I feel weak so weak I cannot move I cannot reply to their questions “Are you ok? Can you hear me?”. I let go. I surrender to pain.
I opened my eyes again. I see ambulance, I see red, everything is red but I cant hear anything. I surrender to pain.
I opened my eyes one last time. The streets are empty. No broken glass. No lights, no traffic, no people. No blood.
I wanted you to stay.
01:39PM
Eight sins
You walk away like there is no tomorrow. Like the poets’ verses sing no
sorrow
You live your life carrying a weak heart. Held by an even weaker soul. Yes
you walked away with your seven sins. Naming them after tomorrow. and what
can tomorrow bring? if tomorrow never comes.
You blind them with your lies. Failing to realize. It is you who is blind.
Too blind to recognize:
the fear in your voice
the lies in your eyes
the damaged soul
& the empty cold heart
The game you play promising me tomorrow & what can tomorrow bring? but your
seven sins. I know how it ends. I know how it ends. Someday you would be gone
and I would be just “One” of them. A page in your book. or better yet the
eighth sin.
I usually walk away. leaving nothing but writings on a wall & a crushed soul.
Yes I usually walk away. So don't ask me about tomorrow for what can tomorrow
bring? but your eight sins.
You'll never be strong enough. Never good enough
20
12:00PM
Broken wings
She broke her silence when she spent the night weeping &
recalling their days together.. was she fooled or just not good enough? she's
now on a train to a destination she does not know of...wearing black, carrying
a red bag that has nothing but their pictures and broken frames. Her eyes are
dry, they no longer have tears...Her red nose tells you the story. He betrayed
her.
she's gone for good this time.
"I loved him".
7:52PM
Confessions
Did you but know, my beloved stranger, that silence can scream and sentence you to death. Did you but know, that the prisoner in his cell is far more alive than the poet trapped within me. If you could only comprehend, these looks, those eyes and that tear, you would have healed me and those moments you wouldn’t suspend.
Did you but know, my beloved stranger, that the wine of
love does not exist for you to search for. My beautiful stranger, these hours
which we spend, not knowing how things would end are the sweet sorrow of that
distant friend. He, our distant friend, is drunk with the wine of love, trying
to find the “Liela” of his dreams, the mistress of his poetry verses. Trying
so hard to depend not on his ancestors but on me, his friend, to find the
words, the moments, the musk that I fail to amend.
Beloved stranger, I would hate to love
you and would love to hate you. It is I whom you shant find, read nor
comprehend. It is I, the mystery you cannot solve. It is I who fell in love
with you yet choose to walk away. Can’t you read between the lines and realize
that I have been sentenced to death just of that look you gave me. Can’t you
read between the lines and realize that my life is a blend of vie and reverie.
You the reverie and our love the vie.
I chose to live imprisoned
7:06PM
Save the last dance
I always knew
our hands perfectly fit each other for a reason
I always knew
our hearts would be unbreakable
Oh beloved from the very first moment I met you
I always knew
You and I are inseparable
Your lips
those eyes
Your words
every moment
I always knew
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
yet I only knew the true meaning
of beauty with you
Oh beloved from the moment I first met you
I always knew
You are the one
I always sang “If loving you is wrong
then I don’t want to be right”
My darling I always knew that we are meant to be
Oh yes I did from the very first moment I met you
I always knew that love words would make sense some day
I always knew roses would bloom for me some day
I always knew those songs would be sang for me some day
I always knew that I would forever love you
and I always knew that you would love me too
But I never knew that someday she would come between me and you.
Save the last dance.
Don’t sing our song.
Save the last dance
for I thought I knew
but I never knew
So save the last dance for her.
Oh beloved if you only knew.
that I saved my first dance for you.
6:38PM
Amour
Il sait combien que je l'aime
Il sait de mon âme blessée
mais il choisit de l'oublier tout
J'ai pensé il était le l'un
Mais j'étais aveugle
et donc est l'amour
ceci n'est pas l'amour
11:38PM
Fake reality
Dear Beloved,
I am keeping my promise to you. I am more faithful than the word itself. I
have dedicated my heart to you. You are my first love, the love I carry for
you would never die, not even with my death. I am truly and deeply in love
with you but I have been waiting for so long. I don’t know where you are.
Dear Beloved,
You promised me you would come to me someday and its been three years now. How
long more shall I wait?
Dear Beloved,
I spent three years of my life waiting for you. For three years I watched our
doorstep, every knock on our door, I wished it was yours, I wished it was
you. You never came. will you come for me someday?
Dear Beloved,
Yesterday a gentleman asked for my hand in marriage, but my heart before my
mouth spoke and refused. I shall not be with a man other than you, for my
heart is dedicated to you. Only you my love.
Dear Beloved,
You haven’t been returning my letters for the past 10 months and I have been
carrying hope in my heart that someday you will return my letters with your
beautiful words.
Dear Beloved,
I have been counting the minutes, hours, days and years when I last heard from
you. I don’t really know if you’re in the country. Have you traveled? are you
alive? I am starting to worry.
Dear Beloved,
Please love me the way I love you. Please return my letters.
Dear Beloved,
Yesterday I saw you with her. Oh how beautiful your wife is. I never knew
that promises can be easily broken, I never knew that our hearts never
belonged. I never knew that first love is meant to be broken. I never knew
that five years of waiting for you can flash in front of me with a blink of an
eye and evaporate into oblivion. I never knew that every road had an end. I
never knew that our roses no longer bloom cause you were my beautiful spring
and yesterday you became my blue winter. Please don’t make promises you can’t
keep. Please don’t kill your wife the way you killed me cause darling,
yesterday you have murdered me.
11:25PM
Wake up call
Y
All of your life flashes in front of you with a blink of
an eye and you suddenly realize that you've been asleep all this time.
It all comes to an end.
10.05.08
10:45PM
Taking over me
I tried to reach out
you're so far
yet so near
I tried to break the light
but darkness revives
with every scream
I am blinded by life
not love not you dear
Can't you see we've been
further apart
reaching for the atmosphere?
02.05.08
12:10PM
Heart Attack
You get busy with piles of work, run around the office like a
headless chicken. You're so frustrated that you keep forgetting that you
desperately need to drink the water you grabbed two hours ago from the office
boy. Meetings, phone calls, post-its. Its almost 4.30, you start finishing up
and packing. You decide to grab your mobile and send a message only to read
in the screen: 1 message received
Him: She passed away, a few hours ago. I am off to the funeral.
You freeze. Pretend everything is ok when its not. You pack and walk away say
goodbye to everyone just like everyday. You move towards the exit but each
foot step seems so hard so heavy. You smile to the receptionist, tell her
you'll see her tomorrow. And, what if tomorrow never comes?
[memories]
04.02.08
09:45PM
Window
Do you know what its like
to watch someone
in pain behind a window.
& there's nothing u can do
but watch?
03.02.08
08:42PM
Rainy Day
Listening to the rain
Silenced by my pain
Can you hear its whisper?
Its calling out your name
With its every drop i surrender
These moments forever i'd remember
Darling would you be tender?
As we fall in love again
20.01.08
01:28PM
Remember me
When nights are long and blue
When all they say seems untrue
When the whole world is against you
When everything u touch breaks
into two
When day has no light
When nothing seems wrong or right
When silence is your only friend
When love is a memory you cant
comprehend
Remember me cause ill be gone
15.01.08
01:37PM
Let go of me
I am sorry father I had to leave
I never thought id escape
but i also never thought
things will get this way
You should've never laid
your hands on her
You should've never called
her those names
I am sorry father but I couldn't
breathe
Maybe someday ill forgive
you
Maybe someday.
14.01.08
01:52PM
Found
I got lost only to be found
I drowned only to be saved
I screamed only to be heard
but its too late`
05.02.07
02:48PM
Once upon a September
Like a passing cloud
Oh like a passing cloud
Your love
the whispers
Her words
the broken vows
Like a passing cloud
it was
a sweet September.
and here I am
all alone again
carrying nothing but a memory
of a sweet September
and him.
13.01.07
03:50PM
The poet
You're a poet with unspoken words and it is only through
silence that I can read you, your sad verses are vague and so is your empty
soul. You carry a weak heart disguised by an even weaker soul. You try to hide
it with your strong figure.. but it shows in every part of you it shows. You
try to veil the pain but I can feel you so why walk away?
After all, you're the poet with unspoken words.
© musk
musk.deemaah.net
2005-2008
